Yesterday I got a txt message from a good friend of mine. She needed to vent and asked me to call her back because “she really had it with society bringing her down.” That sounded a little more dramatic than she intended, but still, she really needed to get something out of her system.

She’s a single parent with two kids and a turbulent recent personal history. Sometimes life happens. But in the midst of letting go of old, cherished securities and finding her way in this new life, she really showed gusto for a new beginning, for developing her own talents and helping others develop theirs, especially young children. And then there’s reality.

The studies she intends to do, are far more expensive for her than just about anyone else on the face of the planet because of some twisted bureaucratic rule that says she doesn’t fit into any of the existing programs. And that’s just one thing. This last year, again and again, she has been turned down, faced with the impossibility of things, red tape, not so helpful comments from loved ones…you know, life!

There are those who somehow overcome the adversity life throws at them. They see things through, no matter what. And because of that, we honour them. Our most well-knows heroes are those who overcame adversity. You know the classic examples: Michael Jordan who had been cut from his high school basketball team, Edison who was being mocked for his endless attempt to make a working light bulb, colonel Sanders’ journey from restaurant to restaurant trying to “sell” his franchise / recipe…the usual suspects. We put these people on pedestals, not so much because of what they did, but rather because of the fact that they did it despite the adversity life had in store for them.

Let’s take a closer look al that last sentence: the adversity that life had in store for them. That’s not entirely correct. Life hasn’t got anything in store for us, really. People on the other hand have. The adversities we come across aren’t a natural by-product of life, like sore muscles after a work out. Adversity isn’t a hostile entity with a mind of its own waiting to jump at us when we least expect it. Adversity comes from people. Adversity comes from you, me, them, everybody, everybody!

It comes in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes its name is “yes, but”, sometimes it looks like a condescending smile, very often it sounds very much like opinion, opinion, opinion. Whatever it’s made off, it has one purpose and one purpose only: inertia, keeping people where they are, preferably down.
It doesn’t add, or build, or help, or support, but it does come cheap. It doesn’t cost us anything, it doesn’t require love, vulnerability or even the investment of an absolute minimum of trust. Yet its status is second to none. Mere mortals that overcome adversity are heroes. We are in awe of their perseverance and relentless efforts to overcome whatever life (read: we) throws at them.

In fact we are so fascinated by this phenomenon that the actual realization of a person is often dwarfed by the myth of his/her resilience. We often do not celebrate our heroes for what they contributed, but because they managed to get passed all the obstacles we, as a society and individuals, put in their way.
We celebrate those who have this rare masochistic gene that allows them to endure all the hardship that we put them through.

Think about it. If a person’s resistance to ‘our adversity’ is of greater importance than the idea he/she stands for, what does that tell about the vast potential of utterly brilliant ideas and possible paradigm shifting contributions that are flushed down the toilet because they happened to occur in the mind of someone with a good heart, a sound mind, but a vulnerable spine?

So what if we were to stop wasting energy on: no, but, shouldn’t, can’t, won’t, don’t, never, not… and invest that very same amount of calories, time and effort in asking the question: If this is his/her dream, what would I be able to do so that this dream would have a fighting chance? Who can I be, other than the next naysayer? Same amount of energy, completely different universe.

Admiring people for overcoming our adversity, is false and destructive. It justifies us thinking and being small while we continue to make things impossible. 

Michael Jordan, Edison and Colonel Sanders are still more than OK. This is not about them. This is about the fact that there is something fundamentally wrong when we think they did such great things, not thanks to what we were able to contribute to their goals, but because they did it despite what we put in their way. That does not call for a celebration, it calls for a wack against our heads so that people such as my friend can go and get that degree, with our help, support, love, compassion and blind trust in her abilities.

Take care,
Karl 

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