No blog posts these past 7 days. I was flooded with work and my self-inflicted Pinching the Ostrich assignments. Hence the seemingly silent and non-active week, when it was anything but.

But it wasn’t just busy. Above all, it was a wonderful parade of intense and meaningful moments and encounters with people, points of view, intriguing questions and sharing…loads and loads of sharing. I am near exhaustion this morning. You know, the good kind. It wasn’t just tapping into the required energy to train and facilitate, it was far more than that. I got so much back from participants and colleagues these past few days that I also had to invest vast amounts of mental calories in absorbing and integrating new, fresh and thought provoking ideas. This past week has been a gift. It really has. 

Yesterday was a very special day. I was one of the speakers on an event called “Creërend Leven”, a title that could be translated as “creative living”, “living creatively”, “creating life” or “a life of creation”, depending on the meaning you got out of it at the end of the day.
It was the first time that I was given the opportunity to present the Pinching the Ostrich project to a live audience and interact with people in a very real and direct way. It was bliss. It felt so right. Like a warm shower after a hard day’s work. It’s an amazing thing when you feel you’re just trying to put in words what it is you’re trying to do and why and how, and then see how people respond with hugs and cheers and a renewed sense of believe in what they themselves are capable of. That’s the good kind of exhaustion I’m talking about. I am tremendously grateful to have been able to share centre stage with Cynthia Morris, Eric Maisel and Nadine Witkamp-Vervenne. So thank you Martine for being a friend, colleague and the kind of person that is crazy enough to organise a day like “Creërend Leven”.

One of the many things that sticks with me is the different points of view on how to deal with your inner critic we were presented with yesterday. You know, that little voice that tells you you can’t, you shouldn’t, you’re not worth it, this is stupid, people will laugh with you, this isn’t going to work… It’s that alter you sitting on your shoulder making you feel like crap when you were actually in need of some encouragement. Call it judgement if you will.

When I asked my students what they would consider judgement, one of them said to me last year: “I wouldn’t know. I can’t really put my finger on it, but I do know one thing. It always shows up and it’s never invited.”
Good point. That means judgement is going to be there, whether you like it, need it, call for it, count on it, hate it, try to avoid it or not. There’s no choice. The only choice we do have, is how we choose to deal with this inevitable naysayer.

Eric presented a few interesting techniques on how to beat him to it. (I’m going to refer to my inner critic as him because in my frame of reference it’s a he.) For instance by just showing up! Which means that you get up in the morning and you create what it is you want to create, half asleep. Somewhere between dreaming and being wide awake. The difference between Julia Cameron’s morning pages and Eric’s approach – to name one – is that Julia’s morning pages are a written braindump of whatever pops up in your head, while Eric advices to do you “job” in that semi-dream state. If you’re a painter…paint. If you’re a sculptor…sculpt. If you‘re a teacher trying to figure out a way of dealing with a certain class of students…get it one paper. If you’re a bio-chemist working on a model of interacting molecules…go model! Chances are that your inner critic is still vast asleep when you do what it is you need to do, which means that your creative side gets the upper hand. In a way, you avoid your inner critic by showing up earlier than him.

Over dinner, Cynthia offered a different perspective. Mind you, I said different, not better. I leave that distinction for you to figure out. She gives her inner critic a stage. She lets him have his say. She gives him a face, a name perhaps, a voice and figure. And she asks him what’s on his mind. She asks him what he would like to mean to her and the things she’s working on. In other words, the inner critique is given a personality you can talk to, relate to and quite possibly disagree with, but in any case, he is no longer you. He has become another person, which allows you to put some (emotional) distance between the both of you and have a real conversation. She offers a way to have a talk with your inner critique as if it were two adults that have enough mutual respect to be able to learn from each other.

I myself came to the conclusion I deal with my inner critic in a slightly different way. I realize he is there, always. And in my personal experience, he is going to be there anyway. Sometimes quietly in the back, sometimes screaming from the top of his lungs directly in my ear. I let him. In fact I dare him. (all you transactional analysts out there are going to have a field day with this) I look upon this scene him as if I’m the hip teenager and he’s the conservative parent. You know, the kind of parent that tells you not to smoke, which is the exact reason you’re going to do it anyway. Well, that’s how I deal with my inner critic. The moment he gets on my nerves, the second he’s on my case just a nanosecond too long, I give him the look and say to him: “Who the heck are you to tell me what I can or cannot do? Who do you think you are!” Which is exactly the kind of indignation I need to get going.
My reasoning behind this approach? Since he's going to be there anyway, i'm not going to invest my energy in trying to ignore him, I'm going to rbel against him.
I believe it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Well, that goes for your inner critic too. In fact, I think she meant exactly that.

It’s been a great week. And I think even my inner critic agrees. I haven’t heard from him all morning. How cool is that?! 

Take care,
Karl

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